how can u be prego again
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
