The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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