I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
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