At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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