giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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