If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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