life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
