You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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