i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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