Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
where are my eyebrows?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
