she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
