Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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