he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
