Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
