I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
