I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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