This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
God I need to hump something, right now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
