I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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