Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
