i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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