i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
