Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
