She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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