you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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