So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
