Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
