Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
