i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
