wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
