Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I came so hard my ears popped.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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