Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
