After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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