Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You pole danced in your parka.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
