Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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