I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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