So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
