so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
