fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
