I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
