the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I stole a fireplace last night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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