Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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