I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
