Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
