Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm at about main and main street
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
