I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
