I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
