I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
