It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
