Yo dont text me then not text me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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