i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
