3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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