i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
