this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
