I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I need to sanitize my soul.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
